| Tonight was the night I've finally gotten the answer as to why someone that I love dearly keeps pulling a magic trick on me. In the end I can rest assure if it happens again I'd understand why and will not go on a crazy mission on tracking that person down. So many years have gone by with me just wondering what the hell is going on. I think I might be the densest person in the world not knowing that this was going on, but now that I do I feel at ease again.
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Next subject:
This is usually a subject of torture for me..
I had another dream. It was Tuesday night and in that dream he purposed to me and the weirdest thing is that I can still remember exactly how the ring looks like. If only I can draw I would've drawn it out so I can forever keep that memory of the ring.
And before that there was another one where I can vividly that we were sitting at a counter and there was 4 glasses of orange juice [I don't know why] and the one quote I remember him saying is "It seems like no matter what I do I'll never get you back"... Isn't that weird? It seems like its something that I would say.. but for some odd reason he was the one that said it in the dream.
What's the meaning of all these freaking dreams? There's gotta be a meaning because I take my dreams seriously. The fighting for love dream that woke me up crying happened [he left me duh] but as for the rest.. what the hell does it all mean? I freaking hate how I keep pwning myself in my own freaking dreams!
FB is just too impersonal.. I feel like I can't convey my feelings on there except post naughty pics or something like that lmao!
When all else fails I always turn to Xanga.
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| Had another dream.. in this dream the setting was at some house and it wasnt his. I was shopping and looking at clutches at the mall by myself and all of the sudden I got a call from him and he asked me to take a look at a notebook or something. In the note book he had written on the left margins "What would it take to work it out and be happy again?" I told him I don't know you tell me. And then he kinda appeared out of nowhere like he was stlalking me while I was testing out clutches at the mall and took my hand and went home. When we got to this house he reintroduced me to his mom and his mom was so happy. He then went inside to this room but left me outside and his mom was telling me that he'd been moody for the longest time and was seeking advice from friends and she guesses that he finally came to his senses. I was smiling and waiting for him to come back out from the restroom or something.
Should've seem how happy I was in that dream. This is the first time that I've dreamed a dream that didn't pwn me. Oh how I wish this would come true..
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| Had another dream.. this time I was back in his house cooking with him and we were making goi cuon thit nuong and he was making the meat and I was getting the other things ready like lettuce and the rice paper to roll the food in. It seems all normal except for the part where I'm still trying to get him back and of course.. he still doesn't give a rats ass about me. Just continuing on life like I never existed with him for the last 3 years and 8 months.
I feel like he really doesn't give a damns worth about our time together. Just threw it away without a backwards glance.. never gave me the break and chance that I deserved. I gave him the option of a break 2 years ago and he didn't accept it. Was it my fault that I wasn't too firm on it? because now I'm suffering because I didn't even deserve a break. Didn't get any chance.
How can it be thrown away just like that?
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| Hi old friend. How does it feel when everything that you've been living for for 3 years came crashing down within an hour and 45 minutes time? The answer is: it feels like shit. How does it feel to unconditionally love someone and the feelings aren't returned like you thought it would? Supremely heartbroken.
I just wish there was some hope out there, but it looks extremely bleak right now. Meaning.. there is no hope. It just isn't fair.
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| I know I've been MIA for awhile, but I had to come on here to write down something before I forget.
Had a dream last night.. it was the weirdest one ever. I dreamed that I was this super crazy kung fu karate everything person put in this royal household [its not the super old schooled days clothes and crap.. there was vending machines in my dream for some reason LOL] and this prince/king guy wanted to escape from something that he didn't want to do. I think I was appointed as a body guard or something I wasn't sure but I remember him trying to crawl and escape through the attic and I did this super crazy jump that can only be possible if you're thinking of the old school flying stuff in the movies. Then grabbed onto a bar and hoist myself higher because I knew I couldn't make it up to the ceiling with just one jump. I freaking stuck my hand through the tiles in the ceiling [you know what I'm talking about.. at the stores its those weird boards thats set in a grid] grabbed his arm and pulled him down. He got so piss at me that he never wanted to see me again.
There was also another scene where I had to go against this big ass scary guy. He had a cig in his mouth and he grabbed me and did that whole bear hug thing trying to break my back. I somehow reached for my lighter and for some odd reason my lighter looked like a gun and he was scared that I was going to shoot him but instead I lit his cig and then we became best friends. LOL
The weirdest thing is that before I did all that kungfu stuff I think he likes me and I was totally in love with him. I don't think he knew that I was kungfu crazy. He then went and dated another girl and me being heart broken just wandered around and I saw my mom and she noticed that I was sad and offered me a smoke. We just sat on the steps and smoked while this parade thing was going on for some royal function.
And then.. my damn alarm rang.. woke me up. Now I'm just sitting here wondering what the hell was that dream about lol
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